What a freakin' disaster!

Moving day was a nightmare and don't think for a second I'm exaggerating.

We were supposed to sign papers on the house on Thursday or Friday of last week... HA! Then the papers were supposed to be sent to the title company on Thursday... friday... Nope... try Monday morning at 8:00. We weren't able to get into the title company to sign the papers until 1:30... That means no funding and recording until Tuesday. We rented the moving van on Tuesday because we were supposed to get the keys on Monday and clean. When we signed the papers on Monday, she told us the earliest we could get the keys would be noon.... our hired movers (J's students) were going to be there at 10 am. Grrrr!

But that doesn't even begin to explain the disaster that was Tuesday.... We'll just say that "Mean Lindsay" came to visit.


So we start packing up the moving van. Our Mortgage guy's assistant called (he's on vacation, so his assistant Gracie was working with us), and said that we were missing documents and couldn't get funded without them. Because we hadn't sold our house yet we needed to show more assets like our investments and retirement. We went into this with the idea that we wouldn't have sold our house and we were told that we were approved for so much more than what we bought that we could own both and be approved, I guess he was wrong. Did I mention that we were all packed up so I had no idea where in the HELL those documents were?!?!?!?! Bitch Lindsay came to visit and I chewed Gracie out, chewed out her superviser and chewed out our mortgage guy who was on vacation. So we figure out how to get our financial advisor to fax that stuff over so we could try to get funded. 11:00 came and went. 12:00, I'm on the phone with the Mortgage people, our realtor and the title company. Not funded yet. 1:00, Gracie calls saying that we're funded so we should be able to pick up the keys. Call the title company... Gracie lied, not funded yet. 2:00, Bitch Lindsay is on the phone with everyone once again, because I want someone's head now. Our $10 an hour movers are sitting in the kitchen eating lunch because we don't have anything to do. 3:00, I'm yelling at everyone at the Mortgage company, because I'm so pissed off! 3:30 we get a call from the title company saying we can get the keys. Did I mention that we were originally supposed to pick them up on Monday, not 3:30 on Tuesday afternoon!

We'll just say that it's been a long time since I've had to be that much of a bitch. At one point I remember saying to Gracie that there were two options of what happened... Either they screwed up or they're just idiots that can't do their job... either way, it's their mistake and they need to fix it!

We ended up only getting half the stuff moved and paid over $350 for the movers, the moving truck, and food for the movers, since we had to feed them lunch AND dinner.

But, we're here and that's what is most important, but man it was a mess getting here.

Our house is a disaster. We can't find anything. I can't take pictures because we can't find the card or card reader for the camera (oops). My parents will be here tomorrow and I'm not sure we can unearth the bed by then. Jana's been a trooper, but has had some seriously bad days. The kid doesn't know which direction is up. She has an awesome new room that seems so much bigger than her old room. We can actually play in it! Things are slowly starting to come together, but we've got a ways to go.

Stealing Sara's idea

The things I absolutely love...

The way baby J's face lights up when she sees me.
I can be gone for a few seconds or longer, but when she sees my face, she gets this huge slobbery, gummy grin that is just enormous. However, it isn't just the smile; she smiles with her eyes. She can be covering her face, yet you still know she's smiling because her eyes just glow when she's smiling.

How much J loves baby J.
I have always believed that one of the sexiest things on the face of the earth was watching a man with his kids. I love to watch J and baby J together. All macho-ness goes out the window and he is kissing, cuddling, and talking to her in the most adorable way. He is so excited for her to be able to go in a seat on the back of his bike. He can't wait! He bought her a "yellow jersey" that she can wear when they ride together.

The smile from baby J in the morning.
Even if I'm exhausted and want to sleep more, I can't help but be instantly put into a great mood when I see that smile first thing in the morning. It's the 100%-genuine, "I'm so glad to see you," smile. It's also always followed by the happy wiggle. She does this kicking of her feet and side to side body wiggle when she's happy. Even though she doesn't laugh often, there is no question when she's happy.

Date night.
Wednesday night, we went out on our first date night since baby J was born. My inlaws stayed with her while we went to the Olive Garden for dinner and then to see Pirates. It was wierd to be out without baby J, but we're discovering we can't really go out with her anymore. She's just not content to sit in her car seat for very long and we always want to eat too late so that we're missing her feeding and bed time. Anyway, it was really nice.


By the way, on Saturdaym Baby J sat on her own for the first time. She was sitting on my legs while I was in the recliner and she sat for a good 20-30 seconds. She can also hold her own bottle now. It's pretty amazing to watch her grow and learn!

Here are some new pics...

Serious Baby!




Smiley Baby!





Too cute in her summer dress!

Oh, the many things on my mind!

Here's a lot of random babbling, but things that have been weighing me down lately.

My mother:

I have a new understanding of my mother now that I'm a mom, and especially since I'm a mom of a little girl. I have been scared to death of having a little girl because I was/am so afraid I of screwing her up. As a Mom, I know I want to protect and do everything I can so Jana can be happy, healthy, well-adjusted,.... the list goes on and on. And I find myself blaming myself if anything appears to be not going well.

For example, my mom made the comment the other day that I was making Jana fat - that my "bad" eating was causing Jana to put on too much weight and be fat. I realize that my daughter's a chunk, however it was my understanding that my body adjusted my milk to what Jana needs. I don't eat badly; in fact, when I was eating the healthiest ever was when Jana made the huge jump in percentiles from 49th to 75th. Anyway, back on subject.... Once my mom said that, I realized that unless I put an end to it, she would continue to think those comments were okay and I WILL NOT let her give my daughter a complex like I have. But then I started to think about it and I have so many behaviors that will put my issues on Jana. I have to stop those now!!!! I don't wish eating or body issues on anyone. I'd still have to say I'm anorexic/bulimic, but I'm just "clean" if that makes any sense. This is an issue I'll fight forever, but I'm scared to death of putting it on Jana.

Our wills:

My mom brought up the fact that J and I need wills incase something happens to either of us. I hadn't really thought about it. We have life insurance, but I never thought about wills. We also needed to think about who would take care of Jana if something happened to both of us. This last one has been on my mind a lot. Who would I want to love, care for, and raise Jana to be a wonderful person if we couldn't? While I think my sil is a wonderful person and incredible mother (which she's pg again!) and I love my bro, I, for some reason, don't feel like Ryan could love Jana like she was his own (or close to). I say that because he could really careless about seeing her or spending anytime with her and I just get that feeling. My sis loves Jana and they're not so successful right now at having their own kids and I'd hate for Jana to be an only child (nothing against only children, I just want her to have siblings and grow up in that atmosphere). Meg isn't even close to being ready. Not by process of elimination at all, but I think I would want Pat and Sarah to raise Jana. They both love her so much and I think they are going to be amazing parents. I know they would love her and treat her like their own. (and now I'm getting teary... gotta love PMS). The only issue is they live so far away from both my parents and his. I would hate for them to not get to see her often. What a depressing subject!!!! Moving on.

To birth control or not to birth control:

So AF showed up tonight. Which was good because I was having either pg or AF symptoms and was getting a little worried. However, I have to say I really have no problem being in the not trying, but not preventing catagory. Is that wrong? I got lectured by my friends (none of which have kids) about how it's so bad to have them close together and I "better not get pg again." Beside it being none of their damn business, we want our kids to be close in age. We know it'll be hard, but at the same time I see my siblings, his siblings, our neighbor's kids and the kids within or around two years apart get a long well and have a very special relationship. That doesn't mean we're going to start trying, because right now they'd only be 15 months apart and we're aiming for 18 to 26 months apart. I've got a job for at least the next two years that would be flexible for me and I wouldn't have to worry about my job, like I would with teaching. Is it wrong that I'd be okay with getting pg in a few months? I've lost the pg weight and some more, so I'm lighter, but not in as good of shape. I know that we'd get shit from friends and my parents, but it's our damn decision. Back off!!!! Wow, I must be pmsing, I just had to edit our the f word.

I'm too tired to keep going so I'll wrap it up. My wonderful daughter had a bad tummy ache and woke up at 4:30. She screemed from 5:00 until 6:00 when I finally nursed her (our dr got mad at me for feeding her if she woke up in the morning, but I couldn't do anything else). Three poopy diapers later, she fell back asleep by 7:00 and slept until 10:30. Needless to say we're tired. I'm so proud of J, he actually got up and helped me with her this morning. I was shocked and so incredibly thankful.