Ugh! What happened to being grateful?!?!?!

You know when you have those moments of clarity and you start to feel very small for things you've done?

Last week, I was in a bit of a slump. I'm stressed about money, yet feeling yucky about myself and using a bit of retail therapy. Bad Lindsay!!!! Sadly enough, most of it was for the girls. I guess deep down inside, I think that if the girls look cute and are well dressed and well put together, then it makes up for my lack of flattering fitting clothes and my (at least I think so) lack of attractive appearance these days.

Making my slump worse, J made a comment that he wasn't always sure that I did like him. Ugh! Not what I needed last week. We're better now, but I'm even more aware of how I'm not taking care of myself or my marriage. I think my frustration with myself is getting in the way.

Also, we've had a turn over in management at my club. We have not only a new manager, but a new assistant manager. The new manager (S) is really, well to quote a cliche "taking names and kicking ass." It's nice to see that she's doing things about issues. Her personality is a bit annoying, but I respect what she's doing and how she's doing it. The new Asst. Manager (A) is, well (here's where my bitchy side comes out) annoying as all hell. Oh man, he's driving me crazy.

Since I've started working, we've brought up two situations that were not ignored by the previous management. The mom that worked, but was abusing the club policies and a co worker who is always late. I feel like I've been actively involved in bringing these issues up. They were/are HUGE annoyances to me. I do my best to be professional, work hard, and put the best of the patron's first - before my own needs/wants. I have a huge issue with people who misuse or take special privileges because they work there. Not appropriate.

So, there were issues two weeks ago and the mom was misusing the club decided to quit last Monday. I feel partially responsible, but it was ridiculous. One of the girls I work with in the childcare was 20 minutes late on Monday, an hour and half late on Friday (including not showing up to open), and 30 minutes late on Saturday. Seriously?!?!? Why is that acceptable? This is habitual.

Why do I think this is my problem?

So, I feel like I'm a huge jerk.

I have, once again, gotten so far from where I was when I was happiest. When I focused on how grateful for all the gifts in my life.

So, I'm going to be trying to take time to post here - as a step to get my time and my thoughts in the right place.


I'm very nervous about this week - I am doing my training to be a group exercise instructor! Ahh! I'm very nervous because I don't know what to expect, and well, to be very honest, I'm so afraid that I'm going to be the heaviest person in the room. I'm so sick of that being a concern of mine.


Can I tell you how much Palin scares me? As one of the political shows said, "she's one 72 year old heartbeat away from being president." Holy cow! She's so naive and clueless. I keep waiting for the "just kidding."

To end,

Today, I am staying home with my girls. No errands, no running around. We are going to stay home and have fun together. Jana wants to play with the legos, go for a bike ride and play on her slide/climber. How fun!!!!! How incredibly blessed am I that I get to hang out with my girls today? Sure we'll have some fits, sure we'll have some timeouts, but I'm so glad that I'm the one teaching my girls what's right/wrong, how to treat each other and how to play together. Wow! In a time when the economy is crap, the news is depressing, and our dollar's buying power is weaker and weaker by the day, I'm going to treasure every moment I have with these girls.

The beginning... again.

So, I'm heading in the WRONG direction... again. I know I've put on weight in the last two weeks. Even though I'm working out, I am mindlessly eating all day long. I know I'm eating way too much and not making the best food choices. I also know that I'm not getting enough sleep and that isn't helping either.

So, I can either continue to feel horrible about myself or I can get off my ass and do something about it.

Here are my goals this week:

1. Exercise: at least three days of cardio (spinning class or running) and at least two days of weights (class).

2. Record my food intake and count points. I'm not going to beat myself up for going over points for a few days so I can just get back in the habit of recording again.