Just get over it already!

That is what I've been saying to myself for a few weeks now.

J is frustrated with me because I've been kind of cold lately. He made the comment today that stung... a lot. He said something to the effect of "You put up with me; I think it might be too strong of a statement to say that you love me." Ouch!

It's not that I don't love him, because I do. I'm just very frustrated with him. I feel like I have a lot of the household responsibilities put on me. Sure, he brings in the big paycheck each month, but I'm responsible for all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, the girls, as well as working enough each month to make ends meet. It is my job to find the daycare. It is my job to get the girls' stuff together when someone else watches them.

So, by the end of the day, there's not much left for him.

Part of it is my frustration and feeling awful about weight/appearance. I'm so unmotivated right now.

But, I'm also frustrated that I am a cold fish. I was so upset when I couldn't find him last night (he told me the wrong time that he was arriving at the airport - wrong by 2 hours) and so scared, but I immediately went back into my unaffectionate routine when he got home.

I just want to scream at myself to get over it and start enjoying my husband again, but if only it were that easy.

A Dreary Kind of day.

Do you ever question your own sanity?

First, I have baby fever. Kara's not a little baby anymore and with all the girls and my sil having these new babies around, I'm wanting another. AM I INSANE? I can barely survive with these two. I know one now isn't in the cards, but I have to say that I'm really wanting two more... in a year or two. Does that make me crazy? J's big argument against it is that I'd have to work and we couldn't give 4 the life we are giving these two girls. :-( I still want two more. I'm nuts!

Second, we're now on a pretty routine nap schedule where both girls go down at 1:00. So here it is at 2:30, I want to do nothing but snuggle Kara. I'm so used to having some alone time in which we get to snuggle and now I don't have it. In fact, we now have NO alone time with either girl. They both get up about the same time, nap at the same time, but Kara goes down a few minutes before Jana, so I guess we get about 15 minutes with Jana alone. I actually have this strong desire to go wake Kara up so I can snuggle. Am I crazy?

I'm a rather ucky mood today. I'm feeling ucky in my own skin and feeling rather unhappy. I'm tired of living on such a tight budget. I'm tired of living on such a tight diet. I want to go buy myself something, not because I need it, but because I want it. And I want to go eat something and not feel guilty and remorseful about it.... but I'm also so tired of feeling fat.

But, I need to remember the happy things.

Arianna is adorable - we finally got to see pictures last night.
I was able to work out today and make it to LAWL to weigh in. (and I did lose a pound and a half, even though I was sad it was just that much.)
My girls are wonderful.
Dinner is cooking away in the crock pot.
Our TV is finally fixed.
We get to go see Arianna this weekend.
The sweet sound of little baby breathing through the monitor is making me want to go grab my baby and snuggle her warm, sweet-smelling body and kiss those soft baby cheeks.

I'm here

Hi!

I do exist and I am alive.

As you may have gathered, things have gotten so crazy with work. I don't seem to be able to get on here much when I'm working.

I'm doing okay. Life is busy.

The girls are wonderful.

The husband needs a smack upside the head - just the usual. :-)

I'm hoping to get back to my gratitude journal this week, but we'll see how nutty it gets.