Just Call Me Mama

Welcome to my blog and the inner-workings of my brain. This is my method of coping with my life: the losses, the joys and my struggle back to being a writer. You'll find my most private thoughts as well as my most recent attempts at writing again. Enjoy and feel free to share your thoughts with me.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Here come the hormones!

I didn't have this last time, but I'm really having a hard time distinguishing between real emotions and hormonal emotions... not to mention just being exhausted. So instead of voicing this to anyone and sounding like an overly dramatic buffoon, I'll have my emotional outpouring here.



How do you thank a person for her incredible impact on not only your life, but the life of your child... when neither one was an obligation?

I know I have said this many times before, but I have the most amazing in-laws. They have loved me with a love that is like that of a parent for a child, but without the obligation to love your own child.

My in laws take care of Jana when I work. They help provide this stable, loving environment in which we raise our daughter. Without them, all of our lives would be so different. They provide us with knowledge by gently teaching us about child raising and parenting. They watch her when we need someone to take care of her. They love her with a love that is only rivaled by J and my love for her.

So how do you thank people for all of this? How can I even begin to show them my appreciation for all they have done and do for us? How do I thank them for the peace of mind for knowing that Jana is probably better cared for than when she is with us? :) How do I thank them for helping to provide the life we have now - without their willingness to watch Jana, I'd be teaching full time and she'd be in daycare. How do I thank them for loving Jana as much as they do - a love like I never knew?

I never had a love like that from my grandparents. We lost two of them before I ever knew them and one more suffered from strokes, so I never knew his mind and soul. The love I knew from my grandma was always from a distance, on birthdays and Christmas through a card, and once a year when she'd visit. I'm learning that it's not fair to judge or criticize because this was what she could do and knew. This is how my parents are grandparenting. They just don't know any different. It is what they know and an easy way to be grandparents.

However, the acceptance and love I have received has been of a different level and intensity than my parents know. It is nonjudgemental, not obligatory, and shown on a daily basis and without reserve.

I feel like I want to show them my appreciation for them and everything they have done for us, but everything seems trite and inadequate. Is there a way to show someone the incredible impact they have had on your life and thank them for it?