Dumpy, frumpy feeling

I know this is normal and I'm probably just over reacting, but I'm feeling sad.

So, here are the pathetic confessions of the self-conscious, insecure, sex-deprived woman.

I can't remember the last time J and I had sex. That isn't to say that I can't remember because it's been so many weeks... we're talking months. All I can remember is that I wasn't showing a whole lot when we did have sex last. Besides the obvious reasons for wanting to find that lost portion of our relationship, this is a killer on my self-confidence.

You see, I was a stick (an anorexic stick) when J and I started dating. I've pretty much been chubby since then except for my periods of time going back to that unhealthy lifestyle. (Don't worry, I'm doing fine in that department!) I am however feeling so incredibly undesireable, that I'm starting to worry if we'll ever have that part of our relationship back.

I'm almost back into my pre-pregnancy pants. My "fat clothes" are too big on me now, but I am still not into my "skinny" clothes. My boobs are however keeping me from fitting into any of my pre-pregnancy shirts. I didn't know they could get that big.

All, my insecurities aside, I really am starting to wonder if J has any attraction to me besides being the mother of his daughter and the one who cooks him dinner every night.

I feel so distant from him right now. I know, logically, that we're both so tired and we have no routine what so ever right now, but it's still hard not to take it personally. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who have these amazing sex lives and yet, I'm not sure my husband has any desire to touch me at all.

I lie next to him every night, yet feel like I might as well be lying in the next room. I feel like we're drifting apart... I sound so pathetic.

I hope all of this is in my imagination and I'm just overreacting.

Oh, the baby cries.

Thanks for listening to me whine.