Dumpy, frumpy feeling
I know this is normal and I'm probably just over reacting, but I'm feeling sad.
So, here are the pathetic confessions of the self-conscious, insecure, sex-deprived woman.
I can't remember the last time J and I had sex. That isn't to say that I can't remember because it's been so many weeks... we're talking months. All I can remember is that I wasn't showing a whole lot when we did have sex last. Besides the obvious reasons for wanting to find that lost portion of our relationship, this is a killer on my self-confidence.
You see, I was a stick (an anorexic stick) when J and I started dating. I've pretty much been chubby since then except for my periods of time going back to that unhealthy lifestyle. (Don't worry, I'm doing fine in that department!) I am however feeling so incredibly undesireable, that I'm starting to worry if we'll ever have that part of our relationship back.
I'm almost back into my pre-pregnancy pants. My "fat clothes" are too big on me now, but I am still not into my "skinny" clothes. My boobs are however keeping me from fitting into any of my pre-pregnancy shirts. I didn't know they could get that big.
All, my insecurities aside, I really am starting to wonder if J has any attraction to me besides being the mother of his daughter and the one who cooks him dinner every night.
I feel so distant from him right now. I know, logically, that we're both so tired and we have no routine what so ever right now, but it's still hard not to take it personally. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who have these amazing sex lives and yet, I'm not sure my husband has any desire to touch me at all.
I lie next to him every night, yet feel like I might as well be lying in the next room. I feel like we're drifting apart... I sound so pathetic.
I hope all of this is in my imagination and I'm just overreacting.
Oh, the baby cries.
Thanks for listening to me whine.
posted by Lindsay @ 2:39 PM
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4 Comments:
Lindsay, I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that! Zach is a year old, I just finished weaning him, so I am hoping to get back into pre-pregnancy shirts and dresses soon. I have accused Quinn of not wanting me many times this past year and a half. Things are getting better. Talk to J about how you feel. Don't accuse him though, I made that mistake. Just explain how you feel and see what happens. You might find out that he feels like you don't want him either. That was the case here. He thought I was too tired and not in the mood. We were both leaving each other alone because we thought that was what the other wanted! It will get better, at least it did here, very slowly!
I once read a book that explained how men and women drift apart in the sex department. The book said women need romancing in order to feel the desire to have sex.
We need the cuddles, the hair pats, the "I love you's". It's like foreplay to us. Men need sex in order to remember to do the romancing. After sex, they feel close to us, they want to cuddle, touch our hair, etc.
Unfortunately, I have found that talking to Shawn about the lack of romancing doesn't increase the romancing until he well, you know, gets some. Usually I'll just give in for a quicky (blushing over here by the way) and then the romancing starts up again. Thce circle of life continues.
I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I bet at this point J just doesn't want to bug you for sex since you just had his beautiful baby girl. Please talk to him about it. (or cheat and do what I do, leave the computer on and on your blog so he reads it!)
Sorry to write so much! xoxo
Honestly, things have really slowed down for us too. I just think we are so tired. Sex is wonderful but it does take effort and energy and we just don't have a lot of that floating around anymore, lol.
I don't think J finds you unattractive, I think he is just tired. It is hard with a new baby in the house. (Plus, you can't have sex for another couple weeks - you just had Jana a month ago!).
I guess if you are really missing it then maybe you should be the one to initiate. For me it is like going for a jog- deciding to go for the jog is the hard part but once I am on it I feel really great and am glad that I went.
So, go jogging and ask J to come along, lol!
I'm just going to agree with everyone on here. It gets really hard after having kids. We do the deed ALOT but it seems like it's so hard and I'm whining the whole time saying I just want to go to bed. LOL During the BFing stage, Dave was always more distant, I was a big leaker and he hated that I had to wear a bra. He was tired alot though too because of me nursing in bed nightly waking him up. I always felt and still am really self concious of my weight. I don't think that'll ever end for me.
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