Smacked upside the head

I was terribly afraid to go to school today. I think I burst into tears about 15 times yesterday. I'm so terrible at not taking things personally, so it's hard not to feel personally attacked through all of this.

So, today I put on a happy face, treated myself to a Peppermint Hot Chocolate on the way to school and faced my day with a fake smile, fake confidence, and a faint hope that people would leave it alone today.

As I stood outside my classroom (we have to supervise the hallway before school, between classes, and after school) one of my students from last quarter came up, with tears in her eyes to talk to me before class. She was fighting a migraine, just got dumped by her boyfriend, and forgot to eat breakfast. Without a thought, I offered her my bagel and she gladly accepted. Her mood began to change instantly and gave me a hug before she ran off to class. Smack upside the head #1. That's why I'm here.

First period went incredilby; one of my best teaching days in weeks. The lesson in the book was good and I managed to get them on task and working so hard on a really difficult topic. (For those of you who remember math, I'm trying to teach my freshman how to factor polynomials right now. Not an easy one). And the fabulous part was that they got it, and we covered two lessons in one day. I felt so focused and was putting so much focus on them that I managed to forget the BS for that whole hour and a half. Smack upside the head #2. What a gift: great students who work hard and trust me enough to try to understand this hard topic!

I hid in my room for most of my prep, but had to go make an overhead for my 3rd period class. While walking out of the library, I ran into the crisis counselor that has been working with my student I feel like I'm losing. I ask if I can talk to him about the kid and in front of my principal (the ass) says how wonderful it is that I want to help this kid that has been nothing but a pain in my class and he'd love to talk to me about him. (I couldn't have planned it better if I had tried). My principal, and two of my asst. principals (who all got the emails yesterday, by the way) all walked by as the counselor, the kid and I were brainstorming ways we could get him back on track and be successful. (Score 2 points for me, so now not only do they all know what I'm doing for this kid, they see me doing this the day after I got publicly shit on my some of my ass-kissing peers). In this conference, I find out that this kid is being evaluated for Bipolar disorder and a laundry list of others because of his extremely out of control behavior. We come up with a system to keep his behavior in check and an escape plan for him when he's starting to lose it. He's smiling and as happy as I've seen him because he feels like he can do this. Smack upside the head #3. I'm more than a Math teacher; I can help these kids learn so much more about life.

Blocks 3 and 4 went well, continuing my great teaching day. I feel like I connected more with kids than I have in a while. One of my kids (the one I've been struggling with that I met with earlier today) said he was amazed with me. He couldn't believe how nice I was to kids and how hard I worked while being pregnant. He commented that there was no way he could ever do that. That was a huge compliment for me and meant so incredibly much. (I'm so scared of being that psycho pregnant woman.)

Then I get home and finally check the board and see that my friend Sheri has gone into labor. Smack upside the head #4. There is so much more to life than my teaching.

While today was actually a great day (shocking considering what I went through yesterday), I am reminded once again of what is important and that I really need to work on letting go.

Even after yesterday's horrible day, I came home last night and we had J's department over for their Christmas/White Elephant party. We had a good time and I was able to leave my day behind for a few hours.

So once again, I am reminded that I need to keep a better perspective on life.

I have such a blessed life. I have an amazing husband, a house that is our own, talents and gifts, a family that loves me, a family I love, friends that support me, a set of beliefs and values that are of high quality, and the opportunity to have a positive affect on people. What a blessed life I lead!