Suggestions Welcome

So, I think I'm going to drive myself crazy in the next 10 to 15 weeks. I'm annoying myself and feel like I'm being such a weenie and I don't know how to get out of it.

Please don't think that I don't believe that this pregnancy is such a blessing. I'm so thankful that we never had to go through all of what we did to get Jana and that how great it is going to be to have them so close together so I get to be home with both of them. With all that said...

I am so tired of being pregnant, already! I try not to complain too much, but I'm finding that I am and it's driving me nuts. My belly is already bigger than it ever was with Jana. My belly is supposedly measuring ahead. The baby is so low now that when I stand up, I feel all this pressure on my bladder. I swear I pee every 15 min, and it is barely anything. My back kills all the time from the belly and from carrying Jana around. If I wear any shoes other than my slippers, my sciatic nerve acts up so much that my leg gives out on me. I can't bend over without feeling ill because I feel like I'm squishing my belly. I can't sleep at night because I can't get comfortable. If I lay on my side, my shoulder and arm fall asleep, waking me up. If I roll too far onto my stomach, I'm more comfortable, but I think the baby gets squished and starts kicking me to move. So, I wake up so often at night and am exhausted all the time.

Every little thing makes me wonder when I'm going to go into labor early again. I'm already worrying about when that will be. Will my water just break and go straight into contractions that are 3 minutes apart again? What will I do with Jana? How will I get a hold of J? Will anyone be around to help us with Jana? They say that labor goes faster with the second- that scares the crap out of me because it was so fast and so intense so quickly. What if I'm stuck at home with no way to the hospital? What if this one has to be in NICU like Jana? I can't spend that many nights away from Jana, but I can't be that far away from the baby either.

Everyday that I see that I'm only 25 weeks, I can't believe I have 10 to 15 more weeks to go. I wonder how the hell I'm going to make it that much longer... and am probably going to get more sore and more uncomfortable.

I'm scared to death that I won't be as good of a mother to either of them because I have two. What if Jana doesn't feel as loved and secure as she does now because I can't seem to balance them both? What if I don't do a good enough job of providing that loving and secure environment for this one? Am I going to miss out on things with Jana because I'm devoting more time to the baby? I know I've whined about this before, but I'm really starting to freak out about it. (Hell, I'm now in tears again.)

I hate being a whiner like this.

I hate that I'm getting frustrated with J because he doesn't help out as much as I want him to at night. In my head I know he's exhausted because I'm waking him up at night, he's working really hard, he's far behind on his grading, and working so hard to balance everything, but those feelings of frustration creep in.

I feel like I need something to look forward to that is a little more immediate. I wish I had something like a playgroup or a friend that we do weekly coffee dates or something.

I think part of my problem is that I get kind of lonely during the day (which is funny for me to say since I was just complaining about how I don't have time to do anything). My closest friends all work during the day, so they can only do things in the afternoons or evenings, but that is when J is home. I've contacted the MOMS group in my area and they won't return my phone calls or emails (grrrr!). The Meet up group that I joined only meets on weekends or after 6 pm, which is Jana's daddy time. I'm tempted to start a stay-at-home mom's Meet up group, but am scared the planning and organizing will take up too much time. There has been talk at church about starting a stay-at-home Mom's group, but I haven't heard anything else about it. We have no Gymboree or anything like that near us.

I absolutely need to get out of this funk! I live such a blessed and amazing life that I feel like a total jerk for feeling this way. I know there are people that would love to have what I have and here I am complaining.

Any ideas on how to pull myself out of this? I'd love to hear them.