Finally, the weekend: time to decompress

What a long week! I've already taken a nap tonight because I'm so tired.

We had our first dr's appointment today. The nurse was less than friendly through the entire thing, until she told me that I needed to stop breastfeeding Jana and I started crying. She totally softened then.

She said I could be anywhere from 7 weeks to 9 1/2 weeks along. We have an ultrasound schedule for the 18th. That's so far away!!! I think I'm going to go out and buy a few more tests to make myself feel better :). I know, I'm a loser. I took probably close to 20 tests with Jana, and I've only taken 3 so far this time. (I'm such a loser).

One of my former students is the u/s check-in nurse and so I had to check in with her today to schedule my u/s. She asked how far along I am and I could only answer, "I have no idea. 7, 9 weeks maybe!" Plus, Jeremy is carting around Jana in her car seat. I know people were looking at us. The nurses were staring at us as soon as Jeremy came in with Jana. I almost wanted to say something, but wasn't brave enough. If I go through this whole pregnancy with people staring at me because I also have Jana, I'm going to scream.

I didn't know how to answer the question of: Is this a planned pregnancy? The options were yes or no. I seriously contemplated making a box that said sort of. We weren't preventing. We did want them around 18 to 24 months apart. We never expected to get pregnant so quickly (especially with how long it took with Jana). I finally decided on the answer of yes* . The * means: got pregnant more easily than we ever expected. I know, I'm a nerd.

I told my students today that I'm leaving. My first period class, who I am really close to, was really sad for the most part. They asked if they could throw me a going away party. So sweet! I'm really going to miss that class. I really enjoy teaching them, a lot. I didn't tell my 3rd period; there are only 3 kids in there that I think are even nice people, and I'll tell them privately. The rest of the thugs and gangbangers can know on my last day. I did tell my 4th period and there was one girl that was upset because we're pretty close and she's one I left last year too. They also asked if they could throw me a going away party, but I think that was more of a request to have a day off!

I can't wait to get out of there. Jeremy made a comment today that really struck home with me. I need to get out of there because (real or not) I do not feel safe at school. I let those 3rd period kids get away with way more than I have ever let any class, but I am unsure of how the kids will react and don't trust their reactions at all. That is a sure sign that it is time for me to go. As a teacher, I should never be scared of my students. That is a sign that I can't do this anymore. I am scared of something happening to me because of Jana and now I'm worried about something happening to me and this baby.

I'm not so sure why I'm such a scaredy-cat these days. After having Jana, I'm always so nervous to have her out in some places, which is not how I've been before. Say, the cheapy grocery store I go to. I used to go there in the middle of the night, but now feel uncomfortable having her there in the middle of the day. I don't know what exactly I'm afraid of, but I'm just really uneasy. I'm hoping once I'm out of school that will change and I'll relax a bit.

When I told my kids that I had something to talk to them about, one kids blurted out, "You're pregnant!" I tried to play it off, but know I turned red. Oops!

Jeremy's plan on how to tell everyone got ruined. He had planned to do a large family pic at the Seahawk's game on the 22nd. He bought himself, me, his dad, his brother, Jana, and his grandpa Seahawk jerseys. Jana's was the only one that wasn't a counterfeit, so he had to return them all. (Did you know it is illegal to own a counterfeit jersey?) He decided that the Karma police would come after him if he kept them (LOL). Such a nerd! (for his logic at least).

Both Jeremy and I have almost blown it a few times with our parents. I'm hoping that we can at least make it until our u/s before we say anything. Once I see the little bean is doing well, I'll feel so much better about saying anything to anyone. Here's to hoping that I don't slip up and tell people (anymore than I already have, oops!). I'm terrible about keeping secrets. I'm being a horrible friend and talking to no one until I can tell them. It's just so hard for me.

I better go grade papers before I fall asleep tonight.