Daily Reflection for 2/28

So, I've started this new daily devotional book in an effort to find my way back to God. It's called "Daily Wisdom for Mothers." So far it has provided me some good topics to think about.

This was the topic for a few days ago, but I haven't had time to write about it yet.

At the end of the reading about how we carry our memories with us it says this: "Start today and keep an 'I Remember' journal. Record what God does for you each day -- even the smallest things. It'll be sort of a daily 'love letter' to the Father. If you've grown cold to God, you're sure to fall in love with him again.

I've always struggled with the idea of "God's path." It isn't that I don't believe in God or that God has a plan for me. It is the idea that people make choices that affect where they go and what they do and I feel that too many people use it as an excuse. For example, I remember in college, a girl making the comment that God put her in a certain situation. No, it would be the choice to go to a party, get drunk, and go to a guy's room that put you in that situation.

As I've gotten older, I really see how our personal decisions put us in certain situations that are not probably where God would want us, but by learning from those situations, we can get back on track, or on "God's path."

I think this last year, though, through no single conscious choice, I've found my way back to God's path. I think for the first time in my life I may not always be on His path, but it's always in sight and I'm making a good effort to follow the general direction at least.

Why am I babbling about this? Because I feel as though I can take little to no credit for how wonderful my life is. I didn't DO anything that caused this (accept maybe the pregnancies, hee, hee). I was presented with these amazing opportunities or felt this push to make a blind leap and it has turned out to benefit me and my family immensely.

So here is my little list of the miracles I've seen in my life lately. I use the term miracle because I can't seem to explain how they came into my life when they did or how they did.

1. My daughter was born 5 1/2 weeks prematurely, but was fully developed and perfectly healthy. Because of how early she was born, and a small respite from illness for Grandma Glady, Grandma Glady got to meet her first Great-Granddaughter before she died. Babies brought such joy to Grandma Glady and Jana let her feed and cuddle her for two days straight. Grandma Glady got sick again the next week and passed on shortly after my real due date. Jana will never remember Grandma Glady, but she brought such joy to an amazing woman in her final weeks. Had Jana been born on time, Grandma Glady's health would have kept her from meeting our little girl. An unfortunate consequence of Grandma Glady dying was that we had to fly David, J's brother, home for the service. (We were visiting Dave when I had my miscarriage and that drastically changed our relationships, all three of us.) He has been in the Peace Corps since March of 2005. It's been joked about that Grandma Glady's final gift to Dave was getting him home so he could meet Jana as a baby. When given the opportunity, Dave did not put Jana down while he was home. We have so many pics of Dave with Jana asleep on his chest. He wouldn't have been able to meet her until he comes him this May at 15 months old.

2. My job. Even though I've always wanted to have kids and really wanted to start trying about 5 years ago, I often wondered if we should. I knew that in our professions, I would never be able to stay home. I also know me and my personality and wondered if it was right for me to have children because I wasn't going to be home with them and give them the attention I felt I needed to give. Because of how I'm wired, I invest too much into school and my students and would have a really hard time balancing it all. And here came this job, dropped in my lap, that would allow me to be home most of the time. What did I do to deserve this job offer? Who knows! But here I am, making enough to keep us pretty comfy, and home most of the time.

3. Our house. On Mother's Day, I got a wild hair and decided that I wanted to look into moving and selling the house. Our house was fine. It was livable for our family, as it was, for a while. The neighborhood was declining, but we were safe. How did I know we needed a bigger house? We almost put a bid on a larger 3 bd, 2 bth (which still would have been a challenge), but found this one the day we were going to do it. How did this work out so well?

4. Humility. I learned humility and how to appreciate, not judge others. I don't know exactly when it happened, but it was as though I could finally see the bigger picture. Instead of thinking, "What were they thinking? I would never have done that. Don't they know this is the better way or thing to do?" I began to think, "I'm not them. I don't know everything they have faced and face on a daily basis. Who am I to question their decisions? They are making the best decisions for their lives, not mine." Whew, was this a well needed change!!!! It's funny that I can be so insecure about my appearance and worth, yet be so arrogant at the same time. I used to my collegues based on whether I thought they were good teachers and my opinion of them professionally and personally was based on that. And the worst part of it, and most embarrassing now, is that I was willing to share this with people. Ugh! Definitely a well needed personality upgrade for me.

5. My sister is alive. Kaley had a brain aneurism on 9/11/04. She had to be life-flighted from Alaska to Seattle. The aneurism bled. She is one of 2% that live through it... not to mention that she lost nothing: no mental or physical function. Her nationally recognized brain surgeon looked at her and said, "You must have something amazing to do in your life, because God certainly didn't think it was your time."

I know there are more things God has done in my life, but these are the ones that bring tears to my eyes on a daily basis. These are the ones that have changed who I am. These thoughts and memories are what help to make me want to be a better person.