Collage of emotions

Fright, excitement, overwhelmed, blessed, thankful, scared, the emotions blurr together right now.

I don't know if I really had an idea that I was pregnant or if I was afraid to get my hopes up, or I was in denial. All of those seem to fit.

I'm in shock. Who thought after it took us so long to get pregnant with Jana that one time (slightly conscious of what my body was doing) would do it.

I'm feeling a little guilty. I remember seeing a lot of the signs that I was either ovulating or about to ovulate and thought oh heck, and actually initiated, which is extremely rare. I guess I knew it could result in me getting pregnant, but I never thought it would end up with me getting pregnant.

I know we wanted them close together and it is still pretty darn good timing with my job and the school year, but yikes!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm not at all. I feel so blessed by this gift. I am just really really shocked. I am excited.

We've already started talking about the baby. Jeremy thinks the baby will be a girl. He had his mind made up about that before I got pregnant though. He thinks we're destined to have only girls because we both wanted boys so badly. Now, we wouldn't want anyone other than Jana and I know we'll feel the same about this one.

We've talked about whether we should do the little room in the Pooh theme that is in Jana's room and pick something out new for her.

I'm scared of telling my family. My bro's wife is pregnant and due in February. She can be one of those that wants the stage all to herself. This is her second child, so I'm not sure she'll be like that, but who knows. My mom is going to flip!!! This time we can tell her a little better than I did the last time, but I know she's going to give me a hard time about our lack of birth control. I know she will not see her raising my bro and sis 14 months apart as relating at all.

I still can't believe I'm pregnant again. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday of next week. I'll have to take the day off, but I think that will be okay. I kind of need it.

I'm terrified that I'm drying up. I still want to hit a year nursing Jana. That is still my goal. I've had such a dramatic decrease in my supply, I don't know what to do. I'm focusing on drinking water and I'm going to start with eating oatmeal tomorrow morning. I don't know if any of the herbs are safe because I'm pregnant.

It's so weird to say that. I'm pregnant! I'm going to have another baby.

Holy cow!

How am I going to do that? How am I going to be able to balance both kids? Because jana's been such a good baby, does that mean that this next one is going to be a handful? I know it's an old wives tale, but everyone says that to us. I'm overly emotional and hormonal, so I start to think about that.

I better try round two of pumping and go to sleep because I'm struggling to keep my eyes open right now.