I think I might be kind of crazy
I know every good parent adores his/her child, but I think I might be a bit obsessive.
This is my fifth week of work. You'd think I'd be less of a mess about leaving Jana by now, but I'm not. I still get teary most days. When I come home, I can't seem to put her down. On the weekends, she goes everywhere with me; I can't handle not being around her. I seem to be the one suffering from seperation anxiety. I start to feel sick to my stomach when I have to be away from her for long periods of time.
Is this insane? She's 7 months old. I've worked 4 full weeks. Why is this not getting any easier? Why do I have the constant urge to hold her and cuddle her. Why do I cringe when people want to hold her and I begrudgingly hand her over... even to her grandparents.
What is wrong with me?
posted by Lindsay @ 10:25 PM
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4 Comments:
I had a really hard time going back to work after we had Alexzandra even though Dave watched her all day and she was in daycare for only 3 hours a day. After Dominic we knew I'd stay home permanently and Alex was 2.5 yrs by then. I have a hard time NOW even leaving the kids with my parents so we can go out for a date night so we don't which is probably bad for us but I am so anxious the whole time I'm seperated from them it really makes the whole trip away uncomfortable and we usually end up going back early and picking them up. Dave won't even let me have a cell phone when we leave them because he knows I'll call and check in.
I don't think you're crazy at all, you're just a loving mommy!
I did not go back to work until Big Z was over a year old and just started leaving Little Z with a sitter 2 weeks ago 3 days a week. I was never made to go back to work when I did not want to. It has all been by choice. I think that the fact you are working when you do not want to be could be what is making the seperation so much harder on you. Parents do have seperation issues just like the kids do. You are not crazy. You are a mommy that does not want to be working and leaving her baby with someone else yet. If you keep working, it will eventually get easier, but it may take awhile. It does get easier as they get old, at least it did for me. They can tell me if they have enjoyed their time or if something is bothering them or if something happened.
I do not think you are obsessive. I think a lot of your anxiety and sadness comes from the fact that you do not like your job. If you were at a district that valued you as a teacher and you didn't have all the other issues you have there things would be different. Just hang in there and hopefully you can come to some kind of internal peace about it soon or better yet find something that you are happy doing!! There is nothing worse than being stuck at a job you are unhappy with, especially with a beautiful little girl at home. (((HUGS)))
Ummm...I know I know!
You love your daughter!!! :)
And thats OK!! No matter what anyone else says! When i am away from sammy or mckayla for over an hour...I start longing to go home...and my stomach starts to hurt.
It's normal! I am just sorry you have to do that. Maybe like everyone suggested above....a new job might help a little...but NOTHING is going to change that feeling you get....even if you were a SAHM! :):)
*HUGS*
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