Goodbye Grandma Glady

The sweetest woman I have ever known was taken from us on Monday, April 10, 2006.

Grandma Glady (Gladys) died from a Brain Stem Stroke. Her soul went quickly and quietly, but her body remained. After a series of tests showing no brain activity, the doctors cooled her blood to perform a few more tests. During the process of warming her body after the tests were complete, her body seized in front of the unfortunate audience of her husband, children and a few grandchildren. Her body finally rested after she was taken off the respirator.

Seeing Grandpa's eyes on Friday broke my heart. The eyes that always sparkled were dimmed and red with sadness. As we sat in his house, sister in law, M and I cried as we hoped Grandma would walk out from her sewing room one more time. Grandpa begged for my mother and father in law to clean out the sewing room because he couldn't handle it. A package caught my eye as my m-i-l carried a load out to the car. It was the pattern for a Winnie the Pooh afgan Grandma had just started for Jana. I cried so hard; my daughter will never know this incredible woman who loved her so much.

I felt self-conscious for my sorrow. I'm not a grandchild. I'm not a blood relative. I've only known her for 10 years and been a part of the family for 6. But, oh how I loved this woman. She was the stereotypical grandma that you couldn't help but love. She loved everyone for who they were and put no conditions on her love. She embraced me as a part of this family the first time she met me. I feel so blessed for being loved by her for 10 years, but at the same time robbed of the rest of the time I wanted with her.

The morning of the memorial service started with a graveside service for the family. Many stoic faces surrounded her grave site. Grandkids, cold with a lack of emotion, fought against showing their grief. Our little family, huddled together, grieved openly - unafraid to show what this amazing woman meant to us. The two newest members of the family, myself and sister in Law S, wept like she was our own grandmother. Who knew that the character of a person could draw us in so strongly and miss her as if we had been one of her own grandchildren. One of the saddest moments for me was when brother D began sobbing - so unbelievable sad for being gone for the last year and missing out on Grandma's last year.

The memorial service was beautiful. My father in law gave an amazing speech, celebrating the life and accomplishments of his mother. He finally showed his grief and had to stop a few times to regain his composure. One of Grandma Glady's friends spoke of how she blessed her life through friendship. Cousin T spoke about how Grandma Glady was able to have a unique relationship with each individual grandchild and despite there being 12 of them, loved them all for who they were. J spoke briefly to introduce the slideshow he had created. His words were beautiful and he made it through despite sobbing as he sat beside me again. The images that flashed of Grandma in her many stages of life made me miss her more. Pictures of her as a young, beautiful girl, of Grandma and Grandpa in their youth, of their growing family as each new child came, and then finally of all the grandchildren she loved so much. My heart ached as the most recent pictures appeared on the screen: Grandma and Jana.

Throughout the weekend, my daughter was the center of attention. The women at the church knew who J and I were at first sight and knew Jana. They told us of how Gladys would talk about her and how much she loved her visit with us. They told us that was the happiest they had seen her in the last few months (because she was so sick). How honored do I feel to even play the smallest part in her happiness?

I made a discovery this week. If Jana had not been born early, she would never have met her Great-grandma Glady. I'm struggling with this.... The doctors could find no medical reason for Jana being born early. She was far more developed than a 35 weeker should have been and had NO health problems associated with being a preemie. Grandma was so sick and had a brief reprieve from her illness. That time would not have coincided with Jana's existance had she been born on time. I feel like I now know why she was born early.

Grandpa also made an intersting comment today. He said it was her last present to all of us that brother D came home from Africa and gets to spent time with Jana as a baby. Otherwise he wouldn't have met her until she was over a year old.

I know Grandma Glady had a full and long life, leaving us at 79 years old. She loved and was loved more than many of us will in our entire lifetimes. I still feel robbed: I always meant to have her teach me how to knit, I always wanted her to show me how to make the crab sandwiches J loved, I always meant to get one more hug and tell her I love her one more time. I'm sad for my daughter. How wonderful would it have been to have her know this amazing woman; the woman who started this incredible family I adore - the woman who taught them to love as deeply as they do.