Guess How Much I Love You

As I sit here on the verge of tears (and puking) and thank my healthy hormone levels, I really start thinking about all the things that are going on around me.

J is an absolute sweetheart. We have this long standing history with the book "Guess How Much I Love You." I bought it for him the first year we were dating. We liked it because there's Big Nut Brown Hare ( J ) and Little Nut Brown Hare (me). When he was in Spokane, he found the greatest Baby Book of all time. It's the "Guess How Much I Love You" Baby Book. He just gave it to me. I cried (go figure).

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I'm so sad about J's Grandma. She's been struggling for a long time with her demensia. I've been around long enough to see her change, but the last few months are been so hard. Here's the story: GMa M J fell in May and broke her hip. Up until them she's been living in a progressive care facility in a condo with GPa R. To be able to repair her hip, they needed to take her off the blood thinners she's been on for her demensia. From what I understand, demensia causes the blood vessels in the brain to become constricted so their is a decrease in blood flow in the brain, causing the memory and balance issues. So when they needed to thicken her blood so they could do surgery, essentially the pressed fast forward on the progression of her illness. Her short term memory is gone. She couldn't even remember not to cross her legs after her hip surgery. So, needless to say, getting her to remember to do her physical therapy was virtually impossible. So she had to go into a rehab facility and then got moved to the "memory ward" of the nursing home of their progressive care facility. Gpa R had his hip surgery with the idea that he could help her with her physical therapy. He got released from the hospital early because he was doing so well. But today it got worse. Gma MJ fell and broke her other hip. There is a man in her wing of the nursing home who walks around and will open every door a few inches. What we understand is that she tried to chase him after he opened her door and that is when she fell. Apparently their care wasn't enough for what she needed. So now she is facing a hip surgery again. First comes the blood thickening routine, then more trauma to her brain, and then the surgery.

Needless to say, things don't look good. Even before this fall, Gma MJ wouldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. She saw it as too much of a bother and since she needed help, she might as well just have them help clean her up (if there is even a thought process here). MIL is obviously very upset (it's her mother). When J talked to his dad, P was crying, Aunt Boo was crying and so was Gpa R.

I've never seen and understood the slipping of life like this before. My Gpa B died long before I was born, Gma M died when I was 3. Gpa W was in a nursing home from multiple strokes for years before I was born. He did die while I was in Middle School, but it was almost more of a relief than anything else. Dad never showed any emotion about Gpa W, but we knew never to complain about going to see him on Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Father's Day and his B-day. But I never knew him as anything other than a man who could only say "Oh boy." I knew he recognized us (or atleast knew we were company for him). But this is very hard. I know it is scary for my MIL. Demensia is hereditary like alzheimers. Her grandma had alzheimers, her mom has demensio and I know that scares her to death for what will happen to her.

Now that I've talked about all this sadness, I don't remember what else I was going to say that was happier.