Summer's here, stress is leaving

I am amazed at how less stressed I am now that school is out.

I am taking a class right now and have to be around one of my friends that stresses me out. She's my workout partner who thinks that ttc is a competition. She's the one who said, right after my m/c, that she hoped to "beat" me. I just get around her and stress out. It'll be nice to be away for the next two weeks.

I have an entire book to read and essay to write and haven't started. Yet, I'm not stressed. I probably should be though.

I'm doing better with my eating, though. I'm definitely feeling more in-control of things right now. I still stress out about the way I look. As time goes on and I get closer and closer to my h.s. reunion, the more obsessed about my weight I get. I'm definitely NOT where I wanted to be before my reunion. I know I shouldn't care. I know that I could care less about what most people think of me. I know that I've got a much better life than a lot of them, yet I'm still worried about going and being one of those that "has gotten fat." At this point, I don't want to go. I know I'll regret it, but I really don't want to go like this. I told dh a long time ago that I would only go if: 1. I lost 20 pounds or 2. I was pg. Since neither of those are quite working out, I'm not sure I have any interest in going. This is one of the things that I dislike about myself the most. I wish I could be comfortable in my own skin. I am SOOO self-conscious. It's not so much fun. :)

Not much else to talk about, so I'm going to go start my reading. I have only 5 days to read that book and write an essay on it. YUCK!