I wish I could relax

Elisa update: She went to her dr on Monday and they did an ultrasound and saw a clot. It's called a subchorionic hemmorage. They gave her a 20 to 50% of miscarrying. The heartbeat was pretty high (172). She's very scared. She has another appt on Monday. I wish she didn't have to go through this. She's having such a hard time right now. I love her to death, but she's the type that has always gotten everything she wants and never had any huge obstacles. She just doesn't know how to cope with this. No one ever deserves to have this fear and no matter what she'll be faced with this fear for the next 9 months.

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Me update.

I had my ultrasound today. I was measuring about a week behind what I thought I would be. That scared me a lot, but I know I shouldn't be. We did get to see a little heartbeat. It was really neat to see.

I think J is mad at me right now. My neighbor accidentally blew it. She told her husband and then didn't tell him to keep his mouth shut, so he said some thing. J hasn't really said anything (at all) to me since we came in. I can tell he's mad but won't talk to me. I understand, but at the same time, he needs to remember how I work. I don't get support from my family like he does. I get support from my friends. I have friends that help me through things; that's how I cope. While he can keep everything in and deal with it by himself, I'm not made like that. I hope he doesn't stay mad at me for too long.

I can't tell if I'm just exhausted because I can't sleep, overly emotional, feeling horribly sick, feeling off because I can't seem to eat, or what, but I just feel so off. I should be doing backflips. The chance of miscarriage just dropped to 5%. I just saw my baby's heartbeat for the first time and I could barely keep myself from shaking and crying, but not necessarily in relief.

But I guess this is what the first trimester is all about: Exhaustion, nausea, uneasiness.