One step forward, two steps back

So far today and yesterday have been better when it comes to my "issue". (How childish of me to not even use the words). I think by publicly admitting it, that's the first step of me moving forward.

HOWEVER, I just got some more bad news.

The big bad news is that dh's grandma broke her hip yesterday. She has demencia and heart issues. It's the kind of break that needs surgery. This is a huge problem because she's on blood thinners, so they can't operate. If they put her on drugs to thicken the blood, there is a good chance for her to have problems with her heart (and brain, I think). MIL is leaving now to go down there, but it isn't looking too promising. Dh is very worried.

The not-so-big bad news is that I just found out today that I didn't get ANY of the jobs that I interviewed for. Right now, I'm devistated about it. It's probably just my emotional over-reaction, but it feels like such a slap in the face. I can't believe that I didn't get it. I can't believe that I wasn't one of the best applicants. It would sting less if they didn't know me already over there. I taught there for 2 years. They know how hard I work and how good of a teacher I am. Or at least how good I thought I was. Wow! Big shock to the ego.

And as if I wasn't in a great mood, I get to go spend the evening with my department at the end of the year bbq. I know I need to go to try to repair some of the relationships, but that is the last place I want to be. And now with the newest news, I have to try to find a way to get along with these people for at least another year.

I keep trying to find the bright side. I keep telling myself that there must be a reason I'm stuck here. Maybe I'm meant to go to grad school. Maybe I'm supposed to leave teaching. Maybe we're supposed to move. Only time will tell, right?

God please help me to find the strength to figure out what I'm supposed to do and where I'm supposed to be.