Not great, but better
I remember back to hearing someone say something about how people become unhappy in marriages when the focus no longer on what each partner can do for the other.
I think this is why J has been driving me so crazy. I think I've been unintentionally "keeping score." (Oh, no!) I think I was getting frustrated because I had started to focus on how much I was doing and how much he wasn't. Other than the basics of cooking and cleaning, I can't remember the last time I did something nice for him (and those are for me too).
I don't mind keeping the house and doing the cooking - most of the time. I just don't want it to be my "job", if that makes any sense. I can't remember the last time I got a "thanks for making dinner" or "wow, the house looks great - thanks (or) great job." Instead, I just get comments about when I haven't done those things, like "what's for dinner?" or "wow, the house has gotten messy." I think it stings that much more when I work and am still responsible for all those things and getting the girls ready to be taken care of by someone else (I always have all the food, bottles, food, etc all ready whether someone is coming to our house or if they are going there.)
So, (in a larger sense than what Sheri talked about, hee, hee) if I take the first step and make the focus on what we are doing for each other, then he is more likely to follow suit.
Hmm. So what can I do just for him?
Any ideas?
If there are any readers out there at still ready my almost abandoned blog, what special things do you do just for your husband/partner?
posted by Lindsay @ 4:14 PM
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3 Comments:
I too decided April was the month I quit dwelling on all the negatives in my life. They were consuming me and isntead of working on them I sat around complaining about it. I realized that by not speaking my mind and asking for help I was not only hurting me, but our relationship too.
Maybe a coffee from starbucks when he is not expecting it, or a new book he has been wanting.
He might appreciate something silly and sweet, like an "I love you" note somewhere random and would probably really appreciate a day just for him to do something that he enjoys, like going to a baseball game, or going on a hike - whatever he used to enjoy doing and doesn't get to as much anymore. Otherwise, I think Sheri's original suggestions was great too :-)
Lindsay- We have been having these issues too. I have been *trying* to let him go do something that he wants to do. With that said, it has not been happening! Last night he was to go out with the guys, he came home from work to find me puking. He stayed home. He was happy though that he could have went.
I do it all and work part time. I have not cleaned in a few days and you should see the house! When daycare is an issue, I take care of it. It does get agravating and annoying, but I have to remember that he works 9 hours a day to bring home that paycheck. I complain about wanting a break, but it is not fair to him if he has to come home and clean the house or be given the kids. Then, he does not get a break. We take a break together once a month in the form of a date night and we have been trying to let each other have time to do things too.
Good luck at finding the balance so that you can be happy!
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