Way too busy!

I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions these days.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I am just not dealing very well with all the stresses in my life.

The idea of becoming a parent is starting to scare the shit out of me. I have no idea how I am going to balance work and family. I have no idea how I am going to do this and it is really scary!

I'm not sure I've felt the baby move yet and that scares me... a lot. I know that some people don't feel anything until the 20th week, but I just have a tendency to worry.

I'm feeling okay most days, but I do still have some bad days. This week was definitely not a good week. I think it started with having my parents visit.

It was good to see them and it was nice to have them come down and visit us for a change. Plus, it means a lot that they would come down to watch one of my soccer games. I realize it isn't as fun since I'm not playing, but it still means a lot to me to have them come down and watch me coach. The one problem with having them here was that they wanted to be entertained. They got here on Sunday and I had made dinner (an all day undertaking). By the time we had dinner, cleaned up after dinner, had dessert, cleaned up again, I had very little time to do any lesson planning. Monday night was worse because we had late practice (4:30 to 6:30), then went to dinner at my in-laws. Tuesday night was my game at 7:00 at night. We tied a game we should have won, but we were down 1 to 3 for a while, so I was happy to at least come back.

Once they finally left, I was so incredibly exhausted, I could barely function. So the rest of the week was a struggle.

Maybe it's my exhausted-state, but I am finding that I am worrying a lot more about this undertaking.

Am I going to be a good Mom? Is my child going to be healthy? Will he or she be happy and fit in with his/her peers? Am I going to be able to provide the loving environment to raise a child? Am I going to be able to provide an environment that provides the proper discipline and structure for my child to learn? Am I going to be strong enough to make it through the growing years?