And So it Begins!

This last week was just a small taste of the chaos that is coming in the next few weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the next few weeks. I also have the most admiration for all these women who go through morningsickness and have to work. By the end of this week, I could barely stand up during camp and I was only working 5 hours a day. I have no idea how I am going to survive next week. Here is the schedule for next week:

7:30 Be at field to set up for try-outs
8:00 - 10:00 Morning Try-out
10:30 - 12:00 Go to class I have to take (2 1/2 hours late)
12:00 - 1:00 Lunch
1:00 - 3:00 Go to class I have to take
3:30 Be at field to set up for try-out
4:00 - 6:00 Evening Try-out

I know this doesn't sound like much because many women work a much worse schedule, but having been off for two months, it just seems to be pure agony looming ahead.

People are starting to get very, very suspicious. I have one of the mothers of my soccer girls come up to me and asked why I looked so sick. I said I was puking all day and think I have something that is going around. She says Pregnancy isn't going around and I know you're pregnant. Uhhhhhhhhh. I was not at the top of my mental game and stammered out a less than convincing retort. Needless to say, she knows, now, but then we had a long talk about miscarriages and pregnancy. She had one between each of her 3 kids and one before the first. I know it happens, but it's nice to hear first that miscarriages happen to lots of people and second that people who even have multiple still have families.

I am also coming to grips with the fact that I need people. I cannot live in a vacuum. I need people to talk to, listen to, bounce ideas off of, share my fears with and to be reassured by. That is just how I work. I wish I didn't need people. I wish I was strong enough to handle everything on my own, but that's not how God made me. J has had no problem with keeping this a secret. He doesn't need anyone or at least gets his needs fulfilled through his relationships with me and his parents. I'm just not that way and he has such a hard time understanding why.

5 days until my appt. I can't wait to see the heartbeat again and to hear that everything is fine. I was reading that the development changes at 10 weeks and even then, you have a really good indicator of whether everything will be okay. So even if I'm a week off (which is what I suspect since I think I o'd on cd 21) I'll be at 10 weeks instead of 11 and they can tell me if everything is going to be fine (or at least with a high probablility). I just want to feel a little reassured. I know puking yesterday reassured me, but I'd rather not have to puke to be reassured :)

I must go jump in the shower. I am getting a pedicure with one of my friends today in Portland. We're going to go out to lunch as well. Yeah! It should be fun.