I feel like the world's worst mother
I knew it was coming. We had small tastes of what it could be... and I remember what I was like when I was a kid.
Jana threw a whopper of a temper tantrum today. She took Uncle P's cell phone and he let her play with it (unfortunately Aunt M started that trend earlier in the day and we never let her play with our cell phones anymore. I probably should have said more than I did, but they weren't picking up on the hints of that's not okay, but I didn't want to make a huge deal in front of all of J's family.) She started putting it in her mouth (she's teething again), so I took it away.
She was screaming, crying, throwing herself around (including hitting her head on the corner of the coffee table, which didn't help). I picked her up and moved her, not cuddled her and J snapped at me for coddling her. So he moved her away from me and let her throw the biggest fit, including hitting her head on the coffee table. I was trying to pick her up and move her to the other room - away from everyone so she didn't have an audience.
J's philosophy is to ignore her until she is done. He keeps asking her if she's done yet. I don't think she is old enough to be trying that logic with her. My thought was to remove her from who she was performing for and distract her with something else - Not give her hugs or attention, but say hand her her toy cell phone that was an okay thing for her to play with. (You know like we did when training the dog- take away the thing she shouldn't have and give her the one she should have.)
How do you teach a 13 month old that keys, credit cards, phones, and remotes are not for her in such a way that there isn't this temper tantrum every time? She's not a dumb kid - she knows what she wants. Taking away the phone and giving her a toy doesn't work most of the time.
So, how do you handle this situation? I'd love to hear some of the ways that you guys handle these situations. No judgments- I just need some other ways real moms do this - not what the books and experts say.
posted by Lindsay @ 11:03 PM
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2 Comments:
it doesn't get better at 15 months, just so you know! LOL. Adam now will purposely bang his head on the coffee table or the floor and then look at us as if to say "but I'm hurt you have to pick me up"
When he has a tantrum, we completely ignore him and walk away. Usually he'll stop and follow us, then resume the tantrum and we talk away again. After a few minutes we pick him up and explain that 1. playing with the cell phone isn't for babies or 2. kicking mommy while she's changing your diaper isn't nice or 3. that poking the dog in the bum isn't nice etc. I know he doesn't understand but we do pick him up and explain and give a cuddle then give him a car (or something else to play with.)
He's gotten to the point though where he's hitting his head so hard on the floor in protest that he's giving himself a goose egg. So now we are debating if we want to put him into the pack and play to protest, just so he's safe.
GOOD LUCK! let me know if you figure out something that works!
I could have SWORE I commented on this already! Weird!
anyway...
I said that I discipline Sammy by putting his nose on the wall. I know this would be a tad diffucult with a younger child. For McKayla who is 16 mos old.....when she throws a tantrum, i just wait until its over and ask her if she is "done".....it gets embarrassing but there isnt a whole lot you CAN do at this age. Time out works around 2, and the nose on the wall (which is a version of timeout) works WONDERS at 3-4. After all....you can find a wall, tree, door...etc anywhere!
Good luck and I hope she outgrows it soon. The more she learns to communicate the less the tantrums will become!
Hang in there!
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