Moms

On another subject... Moms!

I've tried really hard over the last few months to ease up on my mother. I know I'm pretty hard on her. I think of the day that the girls start to "hate" me like I did my mom and it makes me so sad. So, I'm really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. She really does have good intentions, but when they miss the mark - they are so FREAKING off!!!

It took me until this weekend to put my finger on something. If you ask me if I thought my parents did a good job raising me, I'd say yes. If you asked me if I thought my mom did a good job raising me, I couldn't give you an answer. I have always blamed my mom for my eating/weight issues. I really thought about this and I've come to a conclusion: My mom is not the cause of my eating issues. This may seem obvious to you, but in my stunted-maturation-perspective, I've always blamed her. But it comes down to this, I would have had issues one way or another - I have an "addictive" personality. I seem to be unable to deal with things, so I find other outlets (anorex*ia, bul*emia, drinking, etc). The drinking was an escape and never out of control. Anor*exia I stopped one day and it morphed into bul*emia, for the very small amount that I did eat. However, when faced with the prospect of losing J (years ago), I gave it up in a day. It has come back from time to time, but never out of control, if that makes any sense. So, this realization and acceptance of this was a HUGE step for me.

I'm trying. I'm not that stupid angst-ridden teenager who hates her mother. But it's hard to shake some of those resentments.






But, then she starts in on me today!

"Hmm. You really have put on a lot of that weight you lost, haven't you?"

"Wow! You should really consider some bleaching strips for your teeth. You don't have a pretty smile anymore."

"Soooo, you're just going to look like that today?"

"Aren't you going to go running or something? I thought you were trying to lose weight."



So FREAKING missed the mark!