Work... Ahhh!

So I had a very frustrating week of work.

To make a long story short, I was asked to train their new person who had never done this before. So, instead of being able to do my work in a timely fashion, I spend twice as long training this woman. Annoying, but hell, I'm a teacher. So, I do it with at least a fake smile on my face... for two days. Then today for the presentations, I'm told that since I'm not an employee, I'm supposed to sit there and say nothing. So, I do all the work and then I'm not trusted enough to actually to participate in the meetings? Gee, thanks. All the hard work I did last year to establish myself as a hard worker, reliable, etc does not mean a damn thing.

So, this brings me to the question. Why does someone work?

Money? Better lifestyle? Purpose in life? Better the world? Give back to society?

So, why do I work?

I went to college knowing that I wanted to teach. Why? Because I liked working with kids. Also, I knew there was nothing else I really wanted to do - business jobs are too structured and recreation jobs don't make enough. So teaching let me work with kids, but was a stable career.

Time went on and I started to get burned out and I had a chance to leave teaching. Why did I stay? It had become more altruistic than just stability and income. I was young and "cool", so the kids trusted me. I could talk to them about things that others couldn't. I could have real conversations about real issues facing these kids: drugs, sex, friends, etc. I was able to instill an enjoyment in success in school. I got kids to read and truly enjoy literature. I was able to get them to discuss the merit of pieces in "the cannon." They wrote. They expressed themselves, their opinions, their feelings, and their perspectives. They enjoyed math. I made it real and practical. I helped students find the intrinsic joy of finding the correct answer. I helped them see how problem solving skills applied to life as well as math.

Those are the reasons I miss teaching.

So why do I do my contract work? At first it was purely to make money to ensure that we can eat. By the end of the school year last year, I enjoyed working. I really liked the comraderie, the intellectual stimulation and problem-solving that came with my job.

Now, after my week and being very insulted in how I was treated, I'm back to viewing it as a necessity. I work because we need the money.

I am subbing next week for the first time. I always hated subbing on my prep periods, but here I am voluntarily going to sub in a small district near here. Why am I subbing? Yes, it's about the money, but I very much miss the interactions with the kids. So, I will be spending yet another day away from my girls, but I am looking forward to it (the teaching, definitely not being away from the girls).

I enjoy the mental stimulation of working, but I really just want to be home with my girls. I do struggle with the idea that I used to give back to society by teaching kids and now... I'm home with my girls. I love that I'm home with the girls. I love that I am the one influencing their development. My hope is that my girls will be the kind of kids and teenagers that are good influences on others. I hope that our house will the that place the kids come to hang out. So while I'm not directly impacting kids now (other than my own), I hope that way we're raising these girls will have an impact on their peers because of the quality of character these two girls have.

There is the constant battle between the philosophies of living to work or working to live. I think for me, I made the cross over from living to work to working to live when the Jana was born. Work was no longer my life - I just wanted to finish my work and leave so I could get back to what really mattered: my family. The down side of this is that I am not nearly as invested in my work and do not get the same kind of satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment as I did before.

I know there has to be some kind of balance, but I can't find it.