Feeling Down
I don't know if it is exhaustion. I don't know if it is PMS. I don't know why, but I'm feeling really low at the moment.
I spent my evening catching up on blogs of people who have been through some horrendously hard times and here I am feeling down. I feel a little petty, but the feelings are real to me.
I had my interview on Monday. I felt like I had "the right answers" for all of their questions. I felt like there was a personal connection between them and me (they have a 5 month old and we also know some of the same people through my dept of ed work).
But as time passes, for some reason, I am feeling worse and worse about it. It may be nerves or it may be a bit of lack of self-confidence creeping in, but I'm feeling very yucky about it. I just have this gut feeling that I didn't get the job.
Today I had to work in the office and be away from my girls all day. It sucked! I was too busy to pump more than once, and so I don't have enough milk to get through tomorrow. Our frozen supply is not going to last long at this rate. Anyway, I had to work and then we had our class, so I got to see the girls for about an hour. I don't like that at all. Jana was crying when I left for class and just clinging to me. It absolutely broke my heart - I was in tears too. I don't know how working parents do it. I'm so miserable without them. Here I am wanting to cry now as I write about it. I feel so awful for being away from them so much already this week and I still have at least two more days of work this week.
I'm not doing so well on my eating. We had cake for my mother in law's birthday and some gummy bears at class. I know it's not much, but I should have just said no. I also haven't run since Saturday and doubt I'm going to be able to get up tomorrow morning to run either. It's so aggravating. I'm so tired and yet here I am writing because I can't seem to clear my mind enough to sleep.
I just feel so yucky over petty things. But I just feel so off.
I guess I'll just go pump and then lie in bed hoping to fall asleep soon.
posted by Lindsay @ 10:29 PM
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6 Comments:
I am right there with you Lindsay! I have been feeling very yucky and off the last week too. I am sorry that you have to be away from the girls so much. (HUGS)
Sorry you are having such a down day, Lindsay. It is funny how much we crave "free time" away from our children (at least I do!) but once I have it I miss her so much my heart aches.
Don't be so down on yourself about the food. I think healthy eating is so important but as long as you are eating nutrient dense foods don't beat yourself up about a treat here and there. Life is too short to be miserable over something as significant as food. :-)
Hope the next few days are easier and just accept that you did your best with the interview and let it go (easier said than done, I know!).
Lindsay: sending you HUGE HUGS right now! Sounds like a sucky day indeed!
I agree with Jess in regards to the interview - you've done your best. I hope it works out but if it doesn't, I just know there is something better for you.
Big hugs hun
I have been wondering if you are feeling better.
Have you heard anything about the job?
I've been wondering how you are too....keep us posted.
xoxox
good luck!
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