Wallowing

It is my goal to write more often... and see if any of my readers come back, but there are two things keeping me from writing on a regular basis. 1. I'm ridiculously busy. 2. I don't have a whole lot that is positive to say these days.

Gripes:

1. I'm so stinkin' busy with my 6 part time jobs (I only get paid for 5 of them, though because I haven't really been hired to teach the exercise classes yet, but I'm teaching them 1 or 2 times a week, plus practice time). I'm so scattered that I can't seem to do anything right these days.

2. I can't figure out what is going on at the gym. I keep insisting that I want brutally honest feedback and that I don't want them to sugar coat it, just be honest. Yet, all I'm hearing is that I'm doing great, keep practicing, but they won't hire me to sub yet. WTF!!! The only thing that I can come up with and keep coming back to is that I'm not the typical exercise instructor - I'm not stick thin and gorgeous - which seems to be the bias of this company.

3. I tried so hard to apply for that job at the dept of ed, but my application got bounced because the file was too big and I didn't get the notification in enough time to resize it and send it back. Now, there's a hiring freeze and there aren't going to be any of the other jobs.

4. I can't seem to make any serious progress on my weight. I have no will power toward sweets and half the time, I'm not even paying attention to what I'm eating. I don't realize what I've eaten until I stop and think about it - there's just not enough time to make good choices.

5. I just feel so worthless... to the greater world.

6. In the grand scheme of things, my life isn't horrible... I'm pretty darn blessed. But, I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. I just feel horrible most of the time. Grrrr!