The fleeting nature of self-confidence

Do you ever look in the mirror and it's like staring at someone else? You don't recognize anything. It's like waking up from a dream and seeing something so completely different from what you ever thought was possible. I can't remember the last time I was able to look in the mirror and actually see me, not my exaggerated flaws, not my ignored flaws, but me. When I dream, I'm always a thinner, prettier version of myself. I'm sure we all do that, but it makes me sad.

One of my students saw a picture of my husband on my bulletin board behind my desk. She asked me if that was really my husband. "Wow, you sure know how to pick 'em," was her comment. It wasn't a compliment to him that I heard, but a slight instead. The old painful remark echoed, "what is someone like him, doing with her."

Why is self confidence so fleeting? What in our natures makes us care about the inconsequential issues so much?

I can sit here and understand how insigificant my worries are, but it doesn't make the insecurities diminish. When we almost lost Kaley to the aneurysm this fall, after losing my baby and Jeremy's uncle, I am a bit better at being able to seperate the important issues out. However I still find myself concerned with the little issues.