Sadness: My own personal pity party!

Warning: PMS post, sad weekend, and sick makes for a whiny post.

I remember back to those times of adolescent angst when I thought I was sad.

In the last year, I have discovered a new meaning of sadness. It's some of my sadness and some of those around me.

As tomorrow approaches, I have found myself getting grumpier and grumpier. I actually slept on the coach - partly to allow Jeremy to sleep without my terrible cough in his ear, but partly because I just didn't want to be around anyone. I lash out at smart-ass kids who I usually can laugh off. I, seriously, almost cried in class today. Oh, the joy!

I found myself perusing the belly shots in the picture album and Yarisol's is the one that choked me up. She was one of the first that made me come back to the board. Do you remember how frustrated she was getting about not getting pg? I remember feeling so guilty because she wanted it so badly. I miss her.

I remember Crystal was the first one to post after I wrote the board about my m/c. A kind, empathetic voice when I felt so incredibly alone. I sat alone in the dark office, the first day back from Yellowstone, facing a day with college friends - none of which knew about my joy or sadness, none of which would have any frame of reference for understanding. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I cried - not sadness, but a strange warmth of knowing that someone, this new friend, would be there if I asked.

I don't let myself check the boards very often anymore. I miss you all like crazy, but I get that painful feeling in my heart.

It isn't something easily described. I can't even really call it sadness. It's so much more. It's longing, but for something I've tasted, something that I felt, and now, it feels as though it is forever gone.

Through this board, I have gotten to know new women that amaze me. I've been inspired by them and saddened for them. While it is nice to not feel alone, I wish these wonderful women didn't need to experience this pain.

One more day! Yikes!